Driving Around in My Automobile (Well Almost)
Although I’ve moved to Bangkok, I’m not really going to be working in Bangkok. Technically I’ll be based on the outskirts, but my main role will be to look after one customer so I will spend most of my time at their three sites, all between 90km and 135km outside of Bangkok. The head offices of my employer and customer are in central Bangkok, so all is not lost but I don’t think I’ll be needing many motorbike taxis.
Driving in Thailand is a different game altogether. Like every other basic task, I’m going to have to learn the Thai way. One advantage is that they drive on the left in Thailand. That is the only advantage, everything else is different. Despite Bangkok being one of the most congested cities in the world, everyone drives everywhere regardless. At Chris’s work, most of his colleagues drive to the office and think nothing of a 1-hour 30-minute commute where most of that time is stuck in traffic 2km from their workplace.
The rules of the road in Thailand appear to be straightforward though. From what I can tell, you must assume there will never be a gap in traffic for you to enter or exit a junction, and nobody will ever let you out. You must pick your moment and slowly ease out into the traffic – there is no need to ever pull out of a junction quickly, you just need to somehow enter within the flow of traffic and everything will be good. This approach also applies to the frequent U-turn gaps that appear in the middle of multi-lane roads. Imagine being able to do a U-turn on the M1! I’m not sure of the exact origins of these U-turn gaps but I suspect if they weren’t there you could end up stuck on one carriageway for days. The one thing that makes it interesting is that you’re likely to see a motorbike travelling the wrong way towards you as you try to make your U-turn.
As my work start date was approaching, it was now time to select my driver. Again, I know what you’re thinking but it isn’t completely unusual to have a driver in Thailand. I am just likely to forget every life skill I’ve ever learned and never be able to return to the UK. Or I’ll have to move back in with my parents so they can look after me!
I’d arranged to interview some prospective drivers. Having not done this before, I wasn’t exactly sure what I should be asking them. I’d been sent some profiles, but they were all in Thai so, other than their dates of birth which I could decipher, I didn’t have a lot to go on. The profiles did have photographs so I could assess whether I liked the look of them which I’m sure is a perfectly acceptable basis on which to employ someone in Thailand. You are genuinely allowed to specify age and gender on a job advert, so I don’t see why appearance would be any different.
She’d already given me her strong views on how I should be interacting with Rena, our maid. This was less about showing her any respect and more about ensuring I never have to lift even my little finger ever again. She thought I should be sending her out to the main road to hail a taxi and to bring it to me, as though I couldn’t possibly walk the few metres to do this myself. I really hope I never become one of those people.
I’d planned to ask the prospective drivers to tell me about who they’d driven for previously, where they’d driven to etc. but Fiona felt I should really test their knowledge. She recommended that I print out a copy of the directions to the airport and test the driver on every road, exit, and turn. This sounded painful and if they did suggest another route, who was I to know whether it wasn’t superior to what Google Maps was proposing. She also thought that it was important that I establish what the driver would do whilst he was waiting for me, and specifically which newspaper he would be reading. To do this I would need to memorise the front pages of several newspapers and quiz him on this.
Despite getting slightly carried away on a few points, there were some sensible suggestions such as ‘have you ever had an accident?’ and ‘can you use Google Maps?’ so I did feel a bit more prepared.
My three prospective drivers had dwindled to one, so my long afternoon was looking considerably lighter. With nothing to compare him to and not really having a clue what I was doing, the one driver was guaranteed the job as long as he could drive and wasn’t a psychopath. He appeared nice enough and asked questions about whether he could wash the car at my house which seemed conscientious. His English was on a par with my Thai which means he can say ‘Hello’, ‘Good Morning’, ‘Yes’ and ‘Thank You’. This has served me well so far, but we might struggle if one of us doesn’t expand our vocabulary! We went for a drive in the car of one of the HR Manager’s and we all survived. The most challenging part seemed to be exiting the multi-story car park. I guess it’s probably nerve-wracking when you’ve got 3 people evaluating your driving ability, but he did an exemplary job.
Driving With a Difference
In the UK, I have at times needed to drive quite extensively for work. In one job I could easily be in Peterborough, London, Northampton, and Wakefield in the same week. More recently I’ve just flitted between Coventry and Redditch, and very recently I got to work out of a site that was 3 minutes from my house. I don’t particularly enjoy driving, I find it boring but I’m comfortable with it, in the UK that is, where I understand the rules.Driving in Thailand is a different game altogether. Like every other basic task, I’m going to have to learn the Thai way. One advantage is that they drive on the left in Thailand. That is the only advantage, everything else is different. Despite Bangkok being one of the most congested cities in the world, everyone drives everywhere regardless. At Chris’s work, most of his colleagues drive to the office and think nothing of a 1-hour 30-minute commute where most of that time is stuck in traffic 2km from their workplace.
The Men with the Whistles Again!
Everyone also seems to drive enormous cars, with pickup trucks being a favourite. This works on the bigger roads, but you inevitably must exit onto smaller sois where it seems somewhat impractical. That is why we need ‘The Men with the Whistles” just to shepherd oversized cars around small streets! I have a quick update on them by the way; we think the one that stopped that ambulance may have been sacked. He’s been replaced by a wannabe Bruno Mars who wears a Panama hat and swaggers more than most. There is another one that is obsessed with Siale – this is the one that patted him on the bottom. He tried to stroke him other day and Siale jumped into the path of a moving car so we’re keeping to the other side of the road for now and waving politely!The rules of the road in Thailand appear to be straightforward though. From what I can tell, you must assume there will never be a gap in traffic for you to enter or exit a junction, and nobody will ever let you out. You must pick your moment and slowly ease out into the traffic – there is no need to ever pull out of a junction quickly, you just need to somehow enter within the flow of traffic and everything will be good. This approach also applies to the frequent U-turn gaps that appear in the middle of multi-lane roads. Imagine being able to do a U-turn on the M1! I’m not sure of the exact origins of these U-turn gaps but I suspect if they weren’t there you could end up stuck on one carriageway for days. The one thing that makes it interesting is that you’re likely to see a motorbike travelling the wrong way towards you as you try to make your U-turn.
Yes, M'lady
Anyway, I’ve got all of this to look forward to, but not just yet because I will be fortunate enough to have a driver to support me with getting to these faraway places. There was a time when we weren’t sure that this was going to be the case and Chris was convinced that as a lone white farang female I was guaranteed to be arrested or murdered. As a minimum, I was likely to struggle to navigate the roads and arrive at my destination very late and in a flustered, crying mess.As my work start date was approaching, it was now time to select my driver. Again, I know what you’re thinking but it isn’t completely unusual to have a driver in Thailand. I am just likely to forget every life skill I’ve ever learned and never be able to return to the UK. Or I’ll have to move back in with my parents so they can look after me!
I’d arranged to interview some prospective drivers. Having not done this before, I wasn’t exactly sure what I should be asking them. I’d been sent some profiles, but they were all in Thai so, other than their dates of birth which I could decipher, I didn’t have a lot to go on. The profiles did have photographs so I could assess whether I liked the look of them which I’m sure is a perfectly acceptable basis on which to employ someone in Thailand. You are genuinely allowed to specify age and gender on a job advert, so I don’t see why appearance would be any different.
An Interesting Perspective
I sought the advice of one of our new Bangkok acquaintances, a lady called Fiona who Chris had originally met in a bar before I arrived. She’d fleeced him for wine but somehow, we were still choosing to meet up with her. Fiona is what I can only describe as a fascinating individual. It’s difficult to piece together her background as she tells a lot of stories, but from what I can gather she is half British/half Thai so speaks fluent Thai. She has lived in the UK and has been married and has some children. I’m not sure over what timeframe this all took place, but she now lives in Bangkok with her parents and works as some sort of commercial property agent.She’d already given me her strong views on how I should be interacting with Rena, our maid. This was less about showing her any respect and more about ensuring I never have to lift even my little finger ever again. She thought I should be sending her out to the main road to hail a taxi and to bring it to me, as though I couldn’t possibly walk the few metres to do this myself. I really hope I never become one of those people.
I’d planned to ask the prospective drivers to tell me about who they’d driven for previously, where they’d driven to etc. but Fiona felt I should really test their knowledge. She recommended that I print out a copy of the directions to the airport and test the driver on every road, exit, and turn. This sounded painful and if they did suggest another route, who was I to know whether it wasn’t superior to what Google Maps was proposing. She also thought that it was important that I establish what the driver would do whilst he was waiting for me, and specifically which newspaper he would be reading. To do this I would need to memorise the front pages of several newspapers and quiz him on this.
Despite getting slightly carried away on a few points, there were some sensible suggestions such as ‘have you ever had an accident?’ and ‘can you use Google Maps?’ so I did feel a bit more prepared.
The Interview
We were due to start interviewing drivers at 13:00 so I arrived about 20 minutes early, hoping I could spend a few minutes getting aligned with the HR person who was supporting me. I’ve really got to stop doing this as I will literally waste half my life waiting! Nothing ever starts on time in Thailand ever, so there is no chance of anyone being ready for something early. When I arrived, I’d been shown into a meeting room. As 13:05 approached I headed back to Reception to find out what was happening and to warm up – it was absolutely freezing in there. The shops in Bangkok all have their winter ranges out including coats, which I find peculiar considering its still 30 degrees outside. I now understand that these garments are there to enable people to sit in oppressively air-conditioned rooms without the risk of hyperthermia.My three prospective drivers had dwindled to one, so my long afternoon was looking considerably lighter. With nothing to compare him to and not really having a clue what I was doing, the one driver was guaranteed the job as long as he could drive and wasn’t a psychopath. He appeared nice enough and asked questions about whether he could wash the car at my house which seemed conscientious. His English was on a par with my Thai which means he can say ‘Hello’, ‘Good Morning’, ‘Yes’ and ‘Thank You’. This has served me well so far, but we might struggle if one of us doesn’t expand our vocabulary! We went for a drive in the car of one of the HR Manager’s and we all survived. The most challenging part seemed to be exiting the multi-story car park. I guess it’s probably nerve-wracking when you’ve got 3 people evaluating your driving ability, but he did an exemplary job.
“The next task will be to get the driver and car from the office to the house on Friday with little more than four common words between us, and none of those being ‘Left’ or ‘Right’. What could possibly go wrong?”
ReplyDeleteI’m looking forward to the update!